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Tuesday, May 08, 2007

Just getting nostalgic…nothing specific and no one special…but everything seems special and everyone seems so special…just wish could see them some day…some where in our busy lives.

Met an old friend the other day, rather an acquaintance…a batch mate…But I was so glad to see her. She got married, like many of her class mates. Man, realized then that we are growing old. Life has told us “Welcome to life” long back, but may be we or I still haven’t comprehended it. That feeling is still to sink in. I have grown up. Parents say its time to get married, to go to another house, to take life seriously, to change life completely. I ask myself if I am ready. Sometimes I get “Yes” as an answer, sometimes “No”. Sometimes I feel I am still a 7 year old who loves to sit in the swing, to slide down the slider, to take life as it comes, to just live life carefree, who still loves to get wet in the rain, who likes to sit in the baggi, who loves talking to ma about the days happenings, who just loves chit chatting about nothing with her friends. At other times I feel, ok…I have grown up…I am ready to take care of a family, ready to behave matured, ready to talk sense always.

But, to all people who would be a part of my “grown up” life, listen; I always love to be a kid, to be treated like a kid, to be carefree like a kid.

Posted by Nats :: Tuesday, May 08, 2007 :: 3 comments

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Sunday, April 22, 2007

Hospital story

"Kona sathi bari hou mee?" (For whom do I get better?), cried a 90 year old lady on her hospital bed. I was on the bed next to hers recuperating from a fractured arm. The old lady would repeat this sentence many times a day and the lady sitting next to her bed, would get up and hug her. "Why do you say this aai? I am right here for you." But the old lady would give it a deaf ear and continue to cry.

Puzzled, I always used to think when her daughter is sitting next to her, why does she always cry saying For whom do I get better. I am not very good with Marathi. My mother who is very fluent in Marathi asked the young lady for clarification. She said that she was not her daughter but only a paid nurse. It was my first day in the hospital and the old lady had spent close to 15 days there. I learnt from the nurse that she was suffering from a kidney problem, and was giving a positive response from the medicines she ate. But the lady wasn’t happy from within. The nurse said the lady was blessed with 4 children, but now, when she needs them the most, no one was near her.

The nurse, Asha, used to feel very bad and sad for the lady. She once said “I know her since many years. She and her husband worked very hard for good upbringing of their four children. Reshma was the eldest. Then Vinay, Seema and Ajay, the youngest. Reshma passed away when she was only 21. I had seen this lady then. She was shattered, but soon realized that life has to go on and she had to take care of her other 3 kids… You know how difficult it is for any mother to see her young child pass away in front of her eyes. She was very keen to send both her sons abroad. Parents then, used to feel that if their child is in the USA, they are settled. And she was one of them. Or maybe she just wanted them to earn well and live lavishly and not see the poor days that she had seen in her life. She used to say it with pride that both her sons are in the United States of America. She got Seema married in a very nice, rich house. She is so happy there. But she is not happy with her mother because she has transferred her flat to both her sons only. Maybe she was wrong in doing that. or maybe Seema didn’t deserve it….”

It seemed like she was saying something but suddenly stopped. After a little pause, she continued. “And now, when the same mother needs them the most, no one is there by her side. What does she ask for? Just few sweet words. What does she long for? Just for their touch. And they cannot give her even that. Now also, she blames herself only. She tells me - it’s my fault. Why do you blame them? I sent them abroad. Now work is also important na. They can’t leave their work for me, can they? And I say – why can’t they? They can and they should. You are their mother. You need them... But whenever I say something against them, she would give it a deaf ear. See this is a mother. I feel so bad for her.

Her sons sent me the money to buy a mobile phone. They keep calling up every other day to find her status. What do I tell them? I have told them a lot many times that it’s you that she needs and no medicines and they keep telling me, O Asha we are not getting any leaves. We are trying… Now you need permission to meet your mother also.

Sometimes, I feel she should die.” Saying this, Asha started crying.

I didn’t know how to react. I had my mother to nurse me 24*7. I just hugged her felt thankful that she was there for me. Right then, I made up my mind I would always be there for my mother.

Later some time I asked my mother, “If Asha says the old lady is not upset with her kids, why does she keep screaming Kona sathi bari hou mee? Why does she always keep crying?”
My mother just smiled and said “Beta, she says that in her subconscious state. That is what she feels now. She is unhappy from within. But she feels she cannot express her feelings in front of anyone. Maybe not even in front of her kids. So, whatever she can’t say in her conscious state comes out in her subconscious state and she doesn’t even realize that. At present she just needs her kids by her side.”

“But, don’t you think this old lady was wrong in not giving anything to her daughter? As Asha said, she has given her property only to her sons. She didn’t give anything to her daughter.”
“Well, I can’t comment on that. What came in her mind, I cannot be sure of. I do not even know what consequences led to this.”

I was there in the hospital for 5 days. I used to see her wet eyes waiting to see her kids. And in ‘subconscious’ state, as mummy said she would say lots. “Konasathi bari hou mee? Konn aahe majha? Yeshu mala ney….Mala ney yeshu. (For whom do I get better? Who is there for me? Take me away, O Christ, take me away.)”

Don’t know whom to blame here. The mother who sent her kids abroad and was unfair to her daughter, the kids who couldn’t remove time to come to see their ailing mother, their jobs (if at all they wanted to come but were helpless), or just her old age. Whatever it be, but it was an altogether new experience for me. I met one other side of life there.

Posted by Nats :: Sunday, April 22, 2007 :: 3 comments

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Friday, April 20, 2007

Kitni hulchul, kitna bhagambhag
hai iss ilake ki sada pe,

Par akela sa mera mann,
jaise registan ki banjar mein,

Kabhi uthta hai ek tufan sa,
jaise tsunami ki lehron mein,

Kabhi shant ho jata hai sab kuch,
jaise mritkon ke chehron pe

Posted by Nats :: Friday, April 20, 2007 :: 2 comments

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